I’ve been burnout since the end of last year. I worked my butt off in the lead up to Christmas. I smashed out some incredible projects and market sales that I’m hugely proud of and thought that the 2 month travelling trip I had booked following on from Christmas would be worth the stress, and a ideal opportunity to relax and enjoy life outside of work, and whilst it was an incredible and inspiring experience, it unfortunately lead to even more burnout. Despite being pretty aware of this and taking what felt like suitable preventative matters, such as re-attending therapy and slowing down a little, it wasn’t enough, I needed a clear cut and reset.
Navigating a capitalist world as a neurodivergent person is TOUGH. 2 months ago I got a section 21 eviction from the best home I’ve ever lived in, the first space I felt truly comfortable and at home, and if that wasn’t challenging enough, life threw in some extra huge curveballs and within the same couple of weeks I also lost my part-time jobs, my therapist, access to a car, my relationship, and had to re-home my cat. I truly felt like I reached rock bottom, however I’ve been reminded of my ridiculous resilience and that I have THE MOST incredible friends in the world who’ve supported me in so many ways. Including feeding me, housing me, listening to me cry and complain a lot, and letting me share a gorgeous little studio space in Bristol so I can still attend all the markets I have booked in the lead up to Christmas!
I’ve now begrudgingly moved home, bought a car, navigated different therapising techniques, and slogged my way out of the trenches, back to where I was at earlier this year, but now with more clarity and a better perspective. Life is still incredibly challenging, but thankfully I can see the light again.
Reaching this feeling of rock bottom, I of course had doubts about continuing my career as an illustrator, I’ve had to look at everything critically, but we heal by doing, and being creative will always be a part of me. I’m fucking great at it and it brings me joy. Monetising it brings me stress, but monetising anything brings me stress, creativity is not the problem here. So I’ll still be drawing and attending market stalls, but my commissions will be very limited whilst I navigate what I’m capable of.